i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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