Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
