Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
should my penis look like a turkey
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
