I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
