You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
