Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I smell stomach acid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
