i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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