Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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