my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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