DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
