Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
