Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
