i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We had to coat check the pizza.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
