What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
