great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
