South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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