I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
