I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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