well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
