Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
