you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
