I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
