so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
