he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
