the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.