look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?