Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j
  Replies (39) Good night (5854) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions. http://tfl.nu/m5qp
  Replies (67) Good night (864) Bad night (5837)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34
  Replies (31) Good night (1225) Bad night (5510)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti
  Replies (38) Good night (12339) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
  Replies (41) Good night (2169) Bad night (5629)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4765) Bad night (1141)
• Favorite

  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+41): She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool" http://tfl.nu/0b6e
  Replies (10) Good night (1656) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee. http://tfl.nu/9xkv
  Replies (2) Good night (2219) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable http://tfl.nu/myt6
  Replies (4) Good night (623) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are. http://tfl.nu/mo3l
  Replies (6) Good night (1916) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know... http://tfl.nu/u1x9
  Replies (5) Good night (1007) Bad night (1194)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

  (619): View more from California

  he what???

  (760): View more from California

  Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came. (619): he what??? (760): Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans. http://tfl.nu/7sag
  Replies (6) Good night (2120) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance? http://tfl.nu/tosl
  Replies (3) Good night (716) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs. http://tfl.nu/gl01
  Replies (1) Good night (382) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex http://tfl.nu/w8o8
  Replies (6) Good night (485) Bad night (301)

Randomize