I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
