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Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
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