I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
