Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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