how can u be prego again
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
