I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
