got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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