Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
