Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
