The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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