his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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