if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
