Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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