you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
