i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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