I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
