some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need water and some morals
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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