Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
