Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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