i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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