Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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