i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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