I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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