Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
