Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
