are you still at the devil's house?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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