I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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