Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
