laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
