Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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