I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
