another moral hangover. fuck.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
