Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
