sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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