Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
