Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
