nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
