For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
