I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
