My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
