so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
