We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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