dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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