Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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