mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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