if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
