i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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