I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
