It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
