I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
