yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
