my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
