Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
